Quotable quotes – courtesy ME

If Bruce Wayne went bankrupt and started selling drugs to fund his vigilante activities, would you still call him a hero?

In ancient Rome, masturbating in public was all the rage. So, in 79 AD in Pompeii, where he was vacationing at the time, Chuck Norris thought he too should join the fun…

I really need you tonight! FOREVER’S GONNA START TONIGHT!” Okaaaaaaaaaaay, Bonnie Tyler, let’s slow down a little, shall we?

My castration anxiety is bigger than your penis envy, bitch.

I have a boner to pick with you.

Have you seen my weapon of ass destruction?

Does Catwoman purr in bed? Cuz that would be kinda irritating.

When his dentist asked him to open his mouth, Chuck Norris blew up the entire fucking hospital. Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do.

When Chuck Norris leaves his footprint on the moon, they don’t call it one giant leap for man. They call it a fucking crater.

65 million years ago, Chuck Norris was bored, and thought he’d try sky-diving without a parachute. We all know what happened.

The Hulk, Superman, Jack Bauer and Rajini Kanth are all really just some of the many faces of Chuck Norris.

Fake friends stab you in the back. True friends stab you in the front. Regular friends don’t even know where the knife is.

I’m so awesome that, if I was smart, rich, funny and good-looking, I’d be sleeping with your girlfriend everyday.

When you’re as broke as I am, the only reason you go to Odel is a full bladder.

Maybe if you were invisible, they might actually see you.

Life is not a bitch. It’s a motherfucker.

There’s a (shit)storm brewing.

What a banana flower.

We are all filthy whores with a venereal disease called life, sold by a pimp called responsibility, servicing a client called greed.

Who says men don’t know what it’s like to suffer from PMS?

Saruman on the scouring of the Shire: I did it for the lulz.

There is no spoon. There IS, however, Chuck Norris.

Wake up in the morning, feeling like P. Diddy? Why would you want to wake up feeling like a 40-something black man, Ke$ha? I mean, really.

Coming soon… Close Encounters of the Worst Kind

Useless fact for the day: a human fingernail grows at a rate of 1 nanometre per second. So does your dick.

It’s amazing how, sometimes, the crappiest movies come with the most epic soundtracks.

Question everything. Fuck everything.

Bad feet can be such a turn off.

This fixation over the female posterior has got to stop. I mean there ARE other, more useful parts of the body, no? Like, I dunno, ears.

I have come to realise that a yo-yo is almost always better than a slinky; and for that, I am truly very grateful.

On December 21, 2012, Chuck Norris is going to take a massive dump.

It’s all about the peacocks, baby.

“Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Also – don’t make me horny. That shit might actually get you killed.” – The Hulk

Tweet, and be damned.

Privacy on the internet: There is no such thing.

A pessimist who believes that a pessimistic outlook on life will result in less disappointment, is actually an optimist, yes?

U2 – Everyone likes them, but no one is sure why.

New species: Doucheus Baggus.

This bag of coconut oil in my hand feels oddly like a boob.